I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
