the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
