I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
