theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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