I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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