Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
