I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
