I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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