their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My nipple is on Facebook.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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