Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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