Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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