Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
