I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
