So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
