He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
