Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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