how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
