So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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