so that wasnt chicken after all
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
