He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
