i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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