im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
