does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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