That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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