I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
