I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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