so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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