So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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