he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
