a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize