The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
