Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize