haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Found the puke drawer
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
