I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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