I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
