sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
