That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
