Cold hands, warm shart.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
