i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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