i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
