cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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