Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
