I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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