i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My vagina is very pro this idea
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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