K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
