The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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