the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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