We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I am available for nakedness
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
