So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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