Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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