Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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