First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
