I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Its about making memories worth repressing
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
