the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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