3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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