Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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