Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
