I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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