i wish my penis had a tongue
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
