Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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