i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
