he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
