i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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