i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I lost the right to judge tonight
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
