youre lurking in front of me
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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