Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
