I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
