yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
