I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
