and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
