I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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