...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
