My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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