O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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